Senin, 10 Mei 2010

blablabla??? yaaa mungkiiin

emm blogg tersayang , yuhuuii sedari td gw cumn mandangin loo dooankk ingin gw crita tp gw ga mau tik , bsa ga ya gw ngmong ajj dlyar komp truss lu nulis sndri yg gw omong. hhhaaa lucuu tp ga mungkinnnnnn.hhiii

bloooooooooooog, mungkin uda beberapa minggu ini gw ngerasa jennnuh, bossseeeen sama rutinitas gw akhir2 ini, klo kata kaka gw ini karena gw lagi masa transisi pengennya ada suatu hal yang bisa gw kerjain. gw benci melewati panjang hari gw dengan hanya rutinitas dirumah, bukan berarti gw ga betah dirumah, yaa namanya juga kita hidup pengen ada aktifitas diluar, cukup rumah itu hanya untuk meluapkan kelelahan.haha
apa yang terjadi pada diri gw, gw lebih nyaman jika menyimpannya sendiri, walo sebenernya kadang ego gw jga pengen dingertiin, tpi sejauh ini klo gw cerita ke orglain malah salah paham, salah persepsi terus sampe kadang gw ngerasa LELAH dan berpikir untuk DIAM dan KEJAM (hahaha sadiiiis benerrrrrr)

1. hal pertama yang bkin gw boseeen. gw jenuh blog trs dirumah sepenjang hari, yaaa maklum lah gw baru lulus sma dan belum mulai rutinitas pokok, yang gw lakuin dirumah cuma ngulik soal2 latihan bwt tes, tapi kadang gw ngerasa jenuh sama cara gw belajar sendiri, gw pengen sesuatu yang baru. yaaah tapi bwt ngelewatin waktu gw untuk belajar gw sih ga keberatan, karena itu kewajiban gw. hehe :D hari libur atau malam minggu org2 ngelewatinnya sama keluarga ato pacar mereka, lo tw blooog?? gw cuma kencan sama segubrek soal yang gw dedelin ke otak gw yang begitu indah ini. hahaha *lebaaay

2. yang kedua ini mengisi sebagian pikiran gw, ada yang gw kepengen blooog, tapi gw ragu, gw ga tw knpa gw pengen balik lagi dengan mereka, tpi ada perasaan ga yakin didiri gw, gw malu buat balik lagi padahal sebenernya gw mauuuuuu banget, uda gw coba buat nyari jalan bisa balik lagi, tapi gw belum nemuin jalan bwt balik lagi. gw ngerasa aja klo ngelewatin hari2 gw dengan hal itu, itu ga akan ngebuang waktu dengan percuma. selain itu juga bersama mereka gw selalu seneeeng, bawaannya ngerasa seneeeeeeng terus.. :D

3. poin ke tiga ini menguras hati gw :"(, hahaha. bukan yang pertama kalinya, tapi tetep berbeda, dan bwt kali ini gw ga mw terlalu gamblang menceritakan, tapi yang pasti yang gw mau perasaan gw kosong dulu bwt hal itu, emang wajar sih klo gw ngerasain hal ini, tapi gw bener2 ga mw terlalu berbunga2 oleh hal ini. klopun perasaan ini tetep ada, biarin smwanya gw rasain sewajarnya, soalnya mungkin aja ini cuma perasaan kagum dan ga lebih.hehe ;) tapi yang sebenernya gw mw itu, gw ga mw lah ini berlarut2 ada didiri gw..

huuuft.. gw boseeeeen blog, smwanya itu dateng bersamaan, diwaktu yg berdekatan. gw pengen bisa ngehadepin itu smwa dengan baik. karena banyak hal yang harus gw bereskan, dan gw sangat ingin smwanya sesuai dengan yang gw mw. ya HARUS!!!!!!! gw harus bisa ambil peluang baru ini. yeeeaaaah SEMANGATTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Senin, 29 Maret 2010

nothing last forever :D

gw pengen mengadu sama lu, blog.. tapi gw ga tw harus cerita apa. haha
ini udah bulan maret 2010, UN udah selesai, tpi perasaan gw tambah deg2an nungguin hasilnya, "ya allah mudah2an smwanya sesuai harapan..amiin". sabtu minggu ini gw diem seratus persen dirumah, yg gw kerjain beres2 kamar, bantuin siteteh ngerjain buku, sama sedikit latihan2 soal bwt tes ke perguruan tinggi. wow.. ngomong2 soal perguruan tinggi, gw insyaallah udah siap jadi mahasiswi..hehe bismillah mudah2an allah nempatin gw di univ yang pengenin selama ini, gw janji bakal terus belajar jadi org yang bner (bukan berarti skrg gw ga bner loh yaa..hehe) maksud gw itu gw janji bakal berusaha untuk jadi lebih baikseperti apa yg keluarga gw mw, terutama demi org tua sama kk2 gw,disamping itu smwa,janji gw ini bener2 keluar dari kesadaran gw sendiri.
gw ga boleh ngecewain diri sendiri apalagi org2 yang gw sayang. gw bakal ngurangin sambil usaha juga bwt ngilangin rutinitas ga penting yang nguras otak, tenaga, waktu, juga duit gw.. haha
gw uda 17tahun, mw sampe kapan gw terus cengengdan berkelakuan kya anak kcil? uda ga ada sisi pantes2nya bwt kya gtu.
trs gw juga harus belajar buat ga jadi org yang terlalu reaktif, yaa gw ngerasa ko cpet ngambekan uda gtu klo lgi ksel cpet bgt meledak ledaknya.. duuuuuaaar!! haha gw ga boleh kaya gtu ah..itu cenderung kya budak leutik banget.. kikikik
satu hal lagi yang lebih penting, gw ga boleh ketergantungan sama orglain , apalagi ktergantungan sama tmen, emang slama ini gw cenderung lebih suka ikut2an, tpi skrg gw tw itu efeknya jelek bgt gw,gw emang msih blm bsa mandiri, tpi gw mau belajar bwt mandiri, gw mau belajar bwt ngikutin apa yg gw mau tpi gw tw itu hal baik. trs gw juga mw sedikit demi sedikit ngelakuin apa yg kk gw saranin, gw tw apa yg dibilang kk gw itu bener bgt, mungkin agak sulit, tpi gw yakin sedikit demi sedikit gw bisa.
selain itu smwa, gw juga blm mw mikirin hal yang ga tepat bwt usia gw{ini menurut gw , lu ga setuju terserah ;) tpi jangan protes. hehe} gw blm mw pacaran, mikirin cwo ampe lebaaay, apalagi smpe galau. ih gilaaa rugi banget buang waktu bwt hal kya gtu. geus sadar yeuh aing.. hahaha ya udahlah yaa yg lalu biarlah berlalu.. ;D
sekarang, gw beneran mw serius dgn apa yg gw mau. :)

Selasa, 09 Maret 2010

memories in the dark month

send me in August, at a time when KR best word that I was waiting from the first. all this has passed, August 2009 is over, but all the wonderful things in it are still strong for me to remember. did not entirely the dates that month pro-happiness for me, but I'm happy to get through even just for a few days. yaa .. "several days". one reason why I asked for the return of August, there was a feeling that is difficult to answer honestly I used to. I do not know what I was wrong or not, I can not believe the way people feel that fast, even though the feeling I have the same thing. oh god .. you know I love the KR from the first, I just want him to know that I was waiting for him from the past, I just wanted to KR know, how I feel the feelings that August month, all the feelings that I feel is more real than what he feels.
hmm .. now the feeling I always wanted far from KR, after the things that I know about the KR.


Minggu, 28 Februari 2010

zzz

hey, blog.. dari tadi gw pelototin lu terus, sebenernya pengen cerita banyak tapi males tik males mikir bwt ngeluarin kata2, bsa ga lu liat mata gw trus lu tik sendiri apa perasaan gw?? (hahaha konyol)

abisnya gw BT, gw ga suka klo org2 udah mulai kya gni, bkan urusan gw sih, tpi slalu aja mrka ngehubung2in k gw, gmna ga BT coba?? zzz
di judge seenaknya, sok tw tuh org kya yg tw gw aja. omongannya ga akan pernah gw lupain (ga maksud dendam sama sekali tpi omongannya emang bkin telinga gw panas)

ada yg bkin gw males jga disekolah, bkan gara2 pelajaran atau guru, tapi soal #### yg ga mungkin gw bahas disini, ntar ketauan lagi. hahaha, bkin sebel tw, tpi gw ga pnah ngeluh soal itu. hem.. gmna ya?? gw ga nyaman aja, susah sih bwt ngejelasinnya, tpi kenyataannya yg gw rasain kya gtu. ngerasa ga penting aja. hahaha gmna lgi, klo emang ini harusnya ga pke perasaan, toh tetep aja kena diperasaan gw.

Kamis, 18 Februari 2010

#@&^()%$%&

This is not the same as what I sebenernya want, but I just can not be affected by this situation.I have the same positive things that fill my thoughts on my self and what I want. yaaa focus!!remember remember, remember my goals really want me to accomplish. "God understands what I mean" I love my family, I ga would never willingly hurt anyone they "anyone". what I rasain in my feelings about them, my family. I know, but I do not understand and I can not do anything "god yes .. it is really like?"

BAHEULA.

I do not understand, why sometimes my mind is so strong for his mind. instead I've realized that I was too disappointed with him? but why every time he had me in mind, every time I sleep, I wake up every, every time I do a routine, until I'm going to bed he was still in mind I am. its not lebay but that's what I feel! make me feel everything felt heavy when he thought he ga be there for me. as my memory continues strong record his name, sometimes it hopefully.
hemm ... well, today I deliberately keep the things that always make me baited want to know him, I intentionally ga hp fill my pulse, because I like the curious to online fb and opened her profile. These days I also do not resist to turn on the computer so I am not online. I want to get used to not really want to know how her again. um .. now I do not know how he was, but still did not stop my mind kept saying "how are ya KR?" plus I like the chance to hear songs that he likes, plus I wrote so remember him. crazy ..... the more I kept trying to make him let go of my mind, it actually became more intense. I have to keep trying to get used to make can take everything for granted. I really care about him, there never hate real for him than me, every time I say I hate him,
it's just my emotions on the circumstances that do not fit together my desire. but now I know that he was influential for some of my feelings affect either pain or pleasure, but my feelings disebagian others also there are many things that is very influential for my feelings for the situation.
now, I have to focus as other things, because it certainly influential to me.
"ya allah .. please accompanied me on the walk in the things most important to this" Subhanallah ..
and make KR "please you lanjukan stories you shared your life".

Selasa, 12 Januari 2010

hopeless = desember

shit !! i can't focus to do anything. hhu. now, my feeling not composed, i hate this. everything against with my feeling. you always be there in my think. hey, do you wish anything else?? you come to me when i dont want you, but when i waiting for you, you not come for me. you don't know how about my feeling. i hate you. you always be for them, but why not for me?? because you don't know me?? or because can't you remembered me?? :'(. i still waiting for you from last hey, for some years you know?. and now, when you come, you not be for me. please, for at least try to remember me or try to understand that why i be in your life. i just want to you know who i am. i hate you i hate you i hate you, but i can't to not respect everyword you say, everything you do, my curiosity about you is better huge. i dont know why! whatever word you say always give effect for my feeling. every your happiness, every your sadness, i can see the pain in your status on fb, and you know, every your aching, your breaking, my feel so tired, i always want to know about your condition, althought it make me hurt, i dont care about my feeling. crying over yo, its not the first for me.
can you aware?? everything is against with your promises to me. :'(( now, my feeling just want to far from you. maybe its difficult, but suppose i can do it.
you cant understand that i m trying to make a move just to stay in this condition with emptied my feeling. yaaaah wishing my feeling was gone. one day, you must know how deep my feeling for you, but when you aware, everything has changing also my heart which usual without you.
now, lets you go away n i want spend my life without you. everything about us i will regard as doodle. wishes happiness for you kr.